deathsiren | Ic inbox

[ Dash lies in bed, holding the covers in his hands, staring at the ceiling and Sungmin in turn. He should be more sober now, but he might be sort of intoxicated by Sungmin's presence, too.

It's hard not to reach for him. Especially when he says what he says, both about Dash and the shirt. ] Oh. Thank you. [ He doesn't even have the brainpower to argue that Sungmin is definitely much prettier than himself. But he is thinking it, make no mistake. ]

The shirt... oh, right... [ His thought are tough to gather, but he gets there in a moment or two. Fiddling with the blanket's edge, he turns on his side to face Sungmin. ] I didn't understand what I was feeling at first. I think I woke up one day and realized it didn't matter what gender someone was. It never occurred to me to think of gender as a reason not to be attracted to a person.

The attraction... comes from different things, to me. I like all the ways people embrace their gender, too! If it means being comfortable with the things society associates with your gender or if it means you're at peace when you're going against that mold. If it means you like to draw from a lot of places or that your personal identity is hard to explain- it's all really beautiful to me. [ He tucks his head under one hand. ]

I don't exactly know why people find it so tough to understand, but I always hope they'll learn. I explained it to my parents and they were really accepting and understanding! [ Suddenly, he claps his mouth shut. ] I'm talking a lot, huh?

[ There were plenty of things Sungmin found confusing about the ground, the labeling and categories being one of the major ones. Why did it matter so much what someone needed to define as? Why did everyone feel the need to categorize with such confining labels? Didn't they realise how things shifted and changed just like the ocean tide? An ebb and flow. But he supposed they were more prone to settling everyone in certain places on the ground.

Listening carefully to Dash, he nodded his head against the pillow. ]

I'm really glad you think this way and not like some of the others. I had a lot to grasp onto when I first came to the land and needed to know pronouns to assign to myself. I never faced that before. [ They were all just sirens in the waters and not defined as male, female, nonbinary or something else. ]

I suppose sometimes I feel .....my gender I guess you could say would be fluid. [ As in sometimes he experienced a more feminine mindset as defined by their labeling and other times more male. ] It's not highly acceptable I've found.

Does it bother you? I can refrain from some fashion choices or -- [ He waved a hand through the air as if it explained everything else. ]

[ Dash's brow furrows a bit while he listens to Sungmin, but it's clearly from thought and not because he's upset or bothered. He nods along quietly as he takes in what's being said. ]

It must've been difficult, going on that journey. Now that I know about more realms than just this one, I realize how vast the world really is. Things we take for granted here, sometimes for better or worse, they just aren't... the same in other places. [ He shrugs, a bit helplessly. ] It's not bad! It's really good, I think.

But I wish I understood more. I'm trying! I think I've learned a lot about the worlds humans don't see. That'll take time, I guess. I'll do my best in the meantime though, okay? If I say something that isn't right or I make an assumption... you can always correct me. And...

[ He smiles a soft smile. ] Sungmin, you don't have to change anything with me. I want you to be happy more than anything. To wear clothes that make you happy, to be with people who make you happy- to use the language that makes you happy.

I like everything about you. Every day, in all ways. And that's what the "pan" means to me, you know? Gender isn't the thing I fall in love with- even if I really love, for example, how some people share that through their clothes. [ Enough that he made a career out of it, really. ]

I fall in love with what's in here. [ He taps Sungmin's chest lightly. ]

[ There were countless lands, realms and universes, many of which visited the sea while Sungmin resided within the turning tides. So many things the human eye often missed seeing but probably for the better with their need to categorise everything to have it make sense. Why couldn't they just let things happen more? Another thing he would never understand. ]

There are always more things to see and learn if only you take the time for it all. I have found there is always more than what you currently know.

[ He gave a nod of his head, continuing to listen to Dash talk. ]

The same for you. Let me know if I get anything wrong. Your realm is not one the sea saw anything of. Very odd now that I think about it. The sea is what connects all the realms and universes together. Water overall.

[ The one constant. ]

I must be the same because I fall for who someone is rather than their looks or pronouns they are using.

[ Human eyes aren't the best for seeing certain things. Maybe someday. Dash is excited about the prospect of living a long time, because maybe it means he'll see that come to pass.

He has to hope he'll get a chance to see the world grow into something better. If he's lucky, he'll help it come to pass. ] Right! No one knows everything, but everyone knows a little of the whole.

It's good to ask others, to try and see what they see. Through their eyes.

[ He reaches out, tracing over the pattern on the shirt Sungmin is wearing now. ] I feel like I won't have to tell you. I think you listen really well. [ He ducks his head, tucking himself closer to Sungmin. ]

You see me. Who I am. And maybe I'm not the best bridge to that world yet, but I think it says a lot that you always listen to me and treat me fairly. And that's how you love people, too, hm? By seeing who they are, not the parts, but the whole?

It can be exciting, the story we all tell together. Each of us adding a part to it if we listen and understand it. [ Sungmin offered with a slightly faraway look in his eyes. The ground struggled with seeing beyond what rested before it but he always opened for more understanding. On his own end and for everyone else as well. ]

You're easy to understand and you'll learn more. You just have to give yourself time. Mistakes are just our ways of growing into a new outlook.

[ When it came to love, Sungmin experienced it deeply and without holding back. ]

I try to. I know how important it is to be seen. To be reached for. [ As he spoke, he began to run his hand up and down Dash's back. ]

[ Dash thinks about all this in silence for a little while, letting Sungmin touch him and simply enjoying his presence. His hand keeps moving as well, wandering lightly over Sungmin's shirt.

In some ways, Dash really is truly patient. What Sungmin says about giving himself time doesn't feel difficult to him. He thinks that with good people by his side, with Sungmin there, he can make it. ]

I have time, don't I? [ he muses, finally breaking the silence. ] I shouldn't take that for granted.

Maybe it'll take awhile to tell my story, but that's okay. [ Here, he nods slowly, like he's still thinking. ]

Am I seeing you, Sungmin? [ Dash asks, voice soft. ] I feel like I'm reaching for you.

You have time to decide how you want to handle things and what way you'll turn to things. [ sungmin responded with a tiny nod of his head, keeping up the movement of his hand. ] I feel like I'm still trying to figure out who I am on the ground and - I want to be different than I was in the sea.

[ a pause as his mind started drifting along a lot of different thoughts. ] I don't think you would have liked me then. If you knew the sea me. I wasn't - this.

[ it took so much trial and error, growth and trying to forgive himself. the latter still being a work in progress. ] You - do see me. You can always reach for me, Dash. We can work on compiling that information tomorrow. You have access to more details, right?

I see you now. That's what matters, Sungmin. Who we are to each other, right now. Ever since we've met, it's felt right, hasn't it?

[ He lets his forefinger trail over Sungmin's cheek, his nose, his other cheek. ] It's impossible not to see you, I think. You're beautiful.

[ But he's going to have to close his eyes soon, because he's so sleepy. ]

Can I hold you? If I reach for you, is it okay if I hold on for tonight? [ Now he's not making perfect sense, because he's starting to drift a little, no matter how much he wants to stay here, present with Sungmin. ]

[ who they were in the moment mattered a lot and sungmin knew he needed to let go of the past more and forgive himself for what he had been. even if he hadn't known any other way, he never wanted to use it as an excuse to justify all the shipwrecks and deaths he attributed to.

moving in closer to dash's body, sungmin gave a nod of his head. ] Yes, you can hold me, I'd - like that. [ he couldn't remember the last time anyone held him, probably back in the sea dozens or so years ago. it shouldn't have impacted so much and yet it did. ] You can hold me anytime you want and I see you, Dashy. I see all of you.

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